


"This one's my favorite."

by Reese101



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Insecurity, Insomnia, M/M, Magical Tattoos, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Photographer Kuroo Tetsurou, Pining, Reunions, Roommates, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:41:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27484411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reese101/pseuds/Reese101
Summary: Through the years, many tattoos have come and gone from Kuroo's skin. Among all these tattoos, one hasn't left since he got it. For this reason, he's been trying to find the person that gave it to him, but unfortunately he's had no luck so far.Back from America, Kuroo planned on surprising everyone with his return, but is met with a surprise himself. He didn't really expect meeting a certain blond again, yet here we are.Now, the search continues.orI just wanted to write a fic about kurotsuki and magical tattoos. Read it, will ya?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma & Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 87





	1. "I'm back!"

In a world where you get tattoos from people with feelings for you, Kuroo Tetsurou thought he handled the situation pretty well. Despite the number of tattoos he would get, the people asking about them, and the one tattoo that he couldn't get off his mind, he thought he handled the situation well.

Oh boy, he didn't.

Through the years, Kuroo has had many tattoos appear and disappear on his skin. He's had his fair share of relationships, too. And although his relationships didn't end on a bad note, they didn't end well either. They didn't end well at all, actually. Mostly because he couldn't make their tattoo stay. Or maybe because he's pretty preoccupied trying to find this mystery person that gave him this tattoo he couldn't stop thinking about.

This one tattoo that he couldn't get off his mind; A crescent on the middle of his chest, below his collarbones, with.. fireflies? Yeah, fireflies around it. And that's not all, these fireflies also scattered throughout his body; to his neck, below his ears, around his arms, you name it.

This tattoo was so captivating, it would almost always be the first thing people noticed when seeing Kuroo. It was obvious why, though. These fireflies shone bright in comparison to Tetsurou's tan skin, and what's more, with the right light and angle, it would seem as though they glow.

Other than the tattoo's beauty, one of the reasons he couldn't stop thinking about it was how long it's been with him. Let's see, it's been with him since he started university, so.. around six years now?

_Damn, six years? This person - whoever he or she is - needs glasses._

And there it was, another reason he thought about this particular tattoo; he didn't know who gave it to him. That made him feel some sort of obligation, like he needed to know who this person was, like he had to try to find them. And he did, he did try, but his efforts were in vain.

So, quick run down about _why_ Kuroo kept thinking about this tattoo.

First, it was absolutely breathtaking. Makes him wonder if the person who gave him the tattoo is too.

_They probably are,_ he thought.

Second, it's been with him for so long. I mean, how could he not think about this tattoo that's been with him for six years? _Six years._ That long.

Lastly, he does not know who gave him this tattoo. Seriously. 'Who could it be?' A question he'd ask himself almost everyday.

_Still, how have I not found this person yet? The tattoo's been here for six years, so he or she must be pretty clo-_

"Good Day, Everyone! This is your captain speaking. We should depart in about five minutes, so please prepare for take off. Thank you."

Kuroo's thoughts were cut off by an announcement from the pilot and suddenly, the gears in his brain finally started turning.

He remembers where he is and what he's been doing; today is the day Kuroo returns to Japan. Well, the day he rides a plane to Japan.

Finally, after two and a half years, he returns. No, he hasn't told Kenma and the others that he'll be back. Heck, even his BokuBro doesn't know, and he intends to keep it that way; it's a surprise after all.

Today has been a long day and it's gonna get even longer. This day started off with him getting up extra extra early, grinding his coffee, gathering his courage to go through with his plans.. You know, the basics. After that, he came to the park with the purpose of soaking in as much 'New York energy' as he could, which spoiler alert: was not a very good idea. Completely messed up his schedule.

As luck would have it, the moment Kuroo sat on a bench, a little birdie just happened to be doing its business on the tree Kuroo sat under. And, well.. You can probably guess what happened next. So, he had to rush back, wash all that.. birdie waste off him, dry his hair - _which takes a lot of effort to achieve, mind you_ \- and then rush to the airport for his flight. Luckily, he made it in time.

Just barely. Maybe "Lady Luck" felt bad.

Right. That was how he ended up here, leaning against a chair and drowning in his thoughts. And apparently, he's gonna keep drowning, because now he's thinking about how Kenma and the others will react to him being back. He can imagine his BokuBro shouting, running up to him with 'Kaashi quietly following him. Kitty-Cat though, Kuroo has no idea how he'd react. Would he look up from his game, give a greeting and focus his eyes back, or would he actually stand up? Kuroo did not know.

_I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to create multiple_ hypotheses.

Well, it's not as if he needed to worry; whatever reaction they'll have, it'll without a doubt be a positive one.

And he didn't. Worry, that is. After the plane took off, Kuroo decided he'd look at the clouds. It entertained him for a while until he felt a poke on his shoulder and looked to see what or who poked him.

An adorable little girl laying on her mother who was asleep. She was a toddler with olive hair, brown eyes, and three little freckles; on the bridge of her nose and below her eyes. So, Kuroo tilts his head as he looks at the little girl as though he's asking her why she poked him.

The little girl waved in response, and pointed to the window. He looked at the window and back at her, to which she leaned against her mother's shoulder, like she was asking him to lean back. Probably so she could look at the sky. And Kuroo being Kuroo, did as she asked. Well, what he thinks she asked. He's weak when it comes to children!

With his back leaned against the chair, he started thinking about everyone. Mostly Kenma, Bo and 'Kaashi, though; everyone from Nekoma was either in another country, or too busy to keep in touch. 

Bo and 'Kaashi worked in a school, giving them more time to see each other, and honestly, that is _so_ cute. 'If you think that's cute, you should see them at home; you're gonna think the opposite.' Something he's heard Kitty - Cat say whenever he mentions how cute the two are.

_They can't be that bad. It's Bo and 'Kaashi._

Although most would expect Bokuto to play for the national team, he decided to coach instead. Which, for Kuroo, wasn't really unexpected; BokuBro had this certain effect on young, aspiring players. Kuroo experienced this firsthand during that time Bo "mentored" Hinata. Bokuto likes his job, and he was great at it, so he pretty much had it all figured out.

'Kaashi, on the contrary, taught college students literature. He can imagine Akaashi explaining the history of various traditions with students staring at their textbooks and whatnot. And though it suits him, Kuroo worries these students would stare at 'Kaashi, not their books; everyone knew how mesmerizing the former setter was, it'd be inevitable to stare at him, especially when he was focused.

_Kenma did mention something about the students finding out about them, though,_ Kuroo scoffs. _Akaashi was too cautious to let personal affairs affect work._ The following thought gets a snort out of Kuroo: _So, it was Bo._

He'll definitely ask later.

Finally, Kenma worked as a youtuber. Which, of course, was perfect for him. It was _so_ Kenma to do something that requires the least amount of work. Kenma makes a lot of videos. Cooking, vlogs, but mostly gaming. He did collaboration videos with multiple youtubers, and recently, he's been doing a lot of collabs with the youtuber "Ichigo". 

The thought elicits a small smile from Kuroo. _He's making friends._

Everyone knew that Kenma had a little trouble with making friends. He wasn't exactly good with crowds. Or people, for that matter. So of course Kuroo would be happy to learn that he's making friends. Kenma had a lot of similarities with this Ichigo, too. They're both quiet, brutally honest - 

And.. he's thought about these people too much. Back to the mystery: How will Kenma react with him back?

_It's time to formulate a hypothesis. Scratch that, it's time to create multiple._

He continued making hypotheses until he began feeling sleepy. He hasn't gotten that much sleep this past week; he was too busy finishing his last portfolio, and he was too excited to sleep. Thinking back, Kuroo decided to finally catch up on the sleep he's missed. 

So, he takes his earphones out, plugs it into his phone and starts scrolling through Spotify. His eyes catch a glance of Taylor Swift's albums, and Kuroo taps on it, closes his eyes, and drifts onto dreamland.

**~~~~ **

Kuroo woke up exactly eighteen minutes before the plane landed. He lets out a sigh of relief, _finally, I'm back._

_And if I ever see a chair again, it's gone,_ he thought to himself. And, is it just him, or can sitting down for around twelve to thirteen hours can really wear you out. Maybe it's just jet lag? Maybe.

After getting his luggage, Kuroo headed out the airport. He stops by the nearest coffee shop. It seems that the amount of sleep he got during the ride isn't enough to fight the jet lag. Travelling is hard, especially when you're alone.

_Apparently, I'm gonna have to endure the pain of sitting down a little longer,_ he pondered as he called a cab. When it arrived, he got inside the cab, setting his bags beside him. Then, he told the driver Kenma's address which he got from his resources: Hinata Shoyo.

_Of course Shrimpy would know Kenma's address. He doesn't even live in Tokyo!_ Kuroo chuckles. _Good thing I still had his number._

He leaned against the window, looking at the familiar city of Tokyo. The whole ride he sat there, taking in as much of Tokyo as he could. 

Kuroo lets an ear to ear grin across his face. _It's good to be back,_ he thinks.

In no time, he was in front of Kenma's building. When he walks in, the first thing that comes to mind is _fancy_ , the place seemed like a hotel. After he receives a visitor's pass from the receptionist, he makes his way to Kenma's apartment; Apartment 202.

Now, when Kuroo reached the room, he heard some.. interesting things. From the hallway he could hear screaming, shouting, shrieking.. What the hell was going on in there?

As he got closer, these noises got louder, and by that, I mean, _louder_. Like, really, really loud. By the time he was in front of the door, he could hear people engaging in a calm, rational conversation. Not.

"He's pink and he suckss things. That's gayy!" he hears a voice from the room yell.

After that, he hears an obnoxious gasp, then a different voice screeched, "You kan't jus' call Kirby gay. You gay!"

"No - _hiccup_ \- shit, Sherlock. We're all gay, no one here's - hiccup - straight!" Another voice ranted. Kuroo snickered.

Then, a loud sigh. And the arguing continued.

First of all, these people sounded drunk. Judging from the voices, there seemed to be about four people in the room. Kuroo could just laugh at the conversation they were having; it's so dumb. But he didn't. Why? 

Because there were a lot of questions left unanswered.

> **[New]** Where was Kenma? **_[Unknown]_**
> 
> **[New]** Who are these people? **_[Unknown]_**
> 
> **[New]** Why are they fighting about Kirby at eleven pm? **_[Unknown]_**
> 
> **[New]** Is he allowed to join the argument? **_[Unknown]_**
> 
> **[New]** Is he at the wrong apartment? **_[Unknown]_**

Knowing these questions will remain unanswered if he just stood there, Kuroo hesitantly rang the doorbell, unaware of the danger that lies inside.

Another sigh. "I'll get it."

Kuroo's eyes brightened. That sounded like his BokuBro. No, definitely his BokuBro, It's his voice; he would know, after all, the guy never shuts up.

So.. he _is_ at the right place..? If so, where was Kenma? Who's he with?

He heard sobbing. "No, I'll get itt."

It all happened so quickly. The door opened, Kuroo felt stinging on his left cheek, then he heard the door close.

Kuroo rubbed his left cheek, trying to ease the pain. _Ow! What the actual fu-_

Alright. Let's see the list.

> Where was Kenma? **_[Unknown]_**
> 
> Who are these people? Bokuto and three others
> 
> ~~Why are they fighting about Kirby at eleven pm?~~ _Not Important._
> 
> Is he allowed to join the argument? I mean, if that slap wasn't an adequate answer, apparently, he's already part of it.
> 
> Is he at the wrong apartment? It doesn't seem to be that way; Bokuto being there and all.
> 
> **[New]** Why is Bokuto with these people? **_[Unknown]_**

Okay, two more questions to go.

"Dammit, Tsukki! You can't just slap people like that. Being drunk is not an excuse." It was Bo's voice again. If Kuroo wasn't in pain he'd laugh; Bokuto sounded as though he was disciplining-

_Wait, Tsukki? As in Karasuno's middle blocker Tsukki? Salty angel I had a crush on Tsukki?_

"Hah! He 'ot in trouble!"

Then he heard giggling. After that, cackling, then wheezing. Lots of wheezing.

"You three are in big trouble! Just wait 'til I get back there."

"Where are you going?"

A gasp is heard. "You're weaving us?!"

"Then who'll ge' us boose?!"

Another sigh. "No, I need to see who Tsukki slapped."

The door opens again. Only this time he didn't get slapped. On the other side of the door stood his BokuBro, clearly in his dejected, emo mode.

"I'm back!" Kuroo exclaimed as he held his arms out wide, looking ecstatic to see his BokuBro.

"Hey, hey, hey! Kubroo!" He belted, throwing his arm around Kuroo's shoulder.

"Brokuto!" He beamed, returning the hug.

"You don't know how happy I am to see you here!" Bokuto chatted, looking like a tear could escape from his eye anytime.

_That is so sweet,_ Kuroo thought.

"Aww, Bo! I missed yo-

"Like a thousand percent, Bro. I don't think I can handle another minute with these three." He stepped aside, holding his arms out, using them to point to three people you wouldn't expect.

_Oh, okay, ouch._

List Update:

> **[New]** Where was Kenma? Unexpectedly, Kenma's in his apartment and also one loud drunk.
> 
> **[New]** Who are these people? Bokuto, 'Kaashi, Kenma, and finally, Tsukki.
> 
> Is he allowed to join the argument? _I mean, if that slap wasn't an adequate answer, apparently, he's already part of it._
> 
> Is he at the wrong apartment? _It doesn't seem to be that way; Bokuto being there and all._
> 
> **[New]** Why is Bokuto with these people? They're drunk, somebody needs to look after them, and right now, Bo's the only choice.
> 
> **[New]** Why are these three drunk?
> 
> **[New]** Why is Tsukki here?

"Bro, you're not telling me these three were the ones I heard shouting, are you?" With a shocked look on his face, Kuroo diverts his gaze from the three unusually loud trio to look at Bo, seeking assurance.

"Right?! I've been dealing with this for two hours now, too! You never know how hard it is to be mature 'til you try it." 

_This is how he is most of the time, he's just getting a little taste of his own medicine_ , Kuroo secretly grinned.

"That's minee! Give it backk!"

"Nuh-uh! It's mine! Tell him, Shi!"

Kuroo winces.

"Must've been exhausting, but before we get these three to bed, I got two questions; why are they drunk and why is Tsukki here?" he asks Bokuto.

"Right. Well, Tsukki's going through a break up, got the two of 'em drinking because Tsukki just has that kinda influence on those two, y'know? And of course, Tsukki's here! It's part his apartment, y'know? Plus, who else could make him feel better?" Bokuto replies as if stating the obvious.

_Wait.. What? Well then. Apparently, those three are close, Kenma and Tsukki are roommates, and Tsukki's going through a break up._

"No, Bo. I didn't know." he states.

Bokuto shrugs.

"You're hiding something from me." he looks at Bokuto suspiciously, internally interrogating him.

"Whatever you say. Let's go get them to bed, yeah?" Bokuto begins to walk inside, welcoming Kuroo inside.

As Kuroo sets his bags down, Bokuto begins to try getting Akaashi to bed. Not working.

"Alright, everyone!" Kuroo clasped his hands together, gathering everyone's attention. "Time for bed."

And for a moment, everything and everyone was silent. Then, the three looked at each other, back to Kuroo, and screeched at the same time, splitting up, running around the apartment. This continued for quite some time; a _very_ long time.

The first one to get caught was Kenma. The former captains lured him in with his favorite apple pie, used a blanket to trap him, forced him to drink about three glasses of water, and laid him on his bed.

The second to fall was Akaashi. Hiding under the table wasn't a very good idea, and Akaashi learned that the hard way. Bokuto easily carried him, made him drink his water, led him to his room, and fell asleep with him, leaving Kuroo to deal with Tsukki.

Kuroo, an intellectual, tires Tsukki out, repeatedly throwing him cushions and chasing him around the living room. After that, he hands Tsukki his water, saving him from the pain of sandpaper throat disorder. Then, he tucks Tsukki into bed, and when he turns to leave he hears a quiet murmur:

"-ryone leaves sooner or later."

It pains him to hear Tsukki saying that.

_No one should ever feel like that. No one should ever go through this alone._

Today has been an emotional rollercoaster. He planned to surprise everyone, but got a surprise himself. The cause? One pretty blond: Tsukishima Kei.

That night, he falls asleep, finally feeling at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Chapter 1! ヾ(ﾟ∀ﾟゞ)
> 
> I can legit imagine Kuroo bobbing his head to TayTay music. ╮(─▽─)╭
> 
> Anyway, feedback is very much appreciated, thanks for reading! (●´∀｀●)


	2. "Everyone leaves sooner or later."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All about Tsukishima's shitty day, shitty ex, and best fucking friends.

"Everyone leaves sooner or later."

Kei knew that. He knew, and yet he still lowered his guard down. It's something he keeps doing. Something that he repeatedly gets hurt doing. 

He should've learned from the last time. He should've learned from Aki's experience. Heck, he should've learned from his mother's example. But he didn't. Why might that be?

Simple, because falling, it felt too good. Because being alone hurts. Because it was better to love and to get hurt, than to feel nothing at all. But if this is how it was going to be every time, Kei felt like it was time to give up.

Every time, he builds his walls stronger than last time. Every time, someone comes along, breaks his walls, and makes him feel loved. Every time, they leave, the cycle continues, and Kei falls harder than he did the last time around. Every time, he's left vulnerable, weak, and hurt.

Every time, he's left with one question: 'Why?'

_Is it because I was distant? Is it because I can't make your tattoo stay? Is it because I can't make you stay? Or is it just my personality?_

Kei may not seem like it, but hated being alone. Being alone meant that he's left with his insecurities. Being alone meant that they could consume him entirely. Being alone means cutting; doing anything - _anything -_ to avoid feeling numb.

Insecurity, it's always been a problem for him; it's always been there. _They've_ always been there. After every break up, just when it seemed like he was back on his feet, just when it seemed like he was alright, they pop back up.

_Too quiet, Too rude, Too selfish, Too tall, Too-_

The list could go on forever, but it was best not to think about it. Things like that can trigger a panic attack. But it was true.

Tsukishima Kei is a broken, broken person bound by his insecurities.

But if you were thinking that he isolates himself from others to avoid getting hurt, then you're wrong. He wasn't mean to protect himself. He wasn't that much of a coward. Definitely. Yep.

Definitely not, _right_?

These were the thoughts running through his mind as he stares at his boyfriend who's sticking his tongue down another person's throat.

Alright, he stated that it happened a lot, but that didn't mean that he was used to it. It still hurts. No biggie, it hurt, but it's for the best; it was a toxic relationship, anyway.

Yeah, that was all it was; a toxic relationship that only lasted a little more than two months.

He didn't even know why he stayed with that dirtbag; there was nothing good about him, anyway. Maybe it was because he didn't want to feel alone. Was it? It was.

With that in mind, he took a moment to collect himself and began walking to his ~~boyfriend's~~ ex's apartment. Why was he heading there? To gather his things of course. He left important stuff there; hoodies that Ken and Shi gave him and a dinosaur plushie Aki gave him after his graduation.

Of course, Kei wanted to get out of there before his ex got back. He made sure to be as quick as he could, but "Lady Luck" just wasn't feeling nice today, so.. he ran into him. He ran into the lying asshole that cheated on him.

_Well, fuck._

Their eyes met, and as soon as it happened, Kei immediately looked away. It didn't seem like the cheating bastard had anything to say for himself, so Kei began to walk away, but his ex just had the nerve, _the nerve_ , to grab Kei's shoulder and stop him dead in tracks.

"Hey, babe. What are you doing here?" he asks. 

"I think you know exactly why I'm here. I'm collecting my things," Kei answers, wanting to get away from him as soon as possible.

"Oh? Do you have a business trip coming up?"

 _Ah. He wants to keep this act up_ , Kei thought.

Kei sighs, "I know you've been cheating on me." He decides to make it quick. His ex may be a jerk, but Kei once liked that jerk, and it took all his self control to stop a tear from building up in his eye. 

Then, he starts walking, _again_. And you know what? He gets stopped, _again,_ so with a cold stare and an eyebrow raised, Kei looks back at him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! How could you believe that, Kei? You know how much I love you, don't you?" He asks while looking so hurt, Kei would've been fooled if he didn't know the truth.

"What is this, Kei? Do _you_ not love me anymore?" he accuses.

_I wish I didn't, you selfish prick._

He was too shocked to even respond. How can a person be so.. manipulative?

"Is this why you didn't move in with me? Is this why you never let me visit your apartment? Is this because of that tattoo you received last week? Is this why-"

_I thought it wasn't the time yet. No, it's because Ken's uncomfortable with other people around. No.. No! That's not-_

All his words started to drown out. He closed his eyes shut. Here it is, the panic attack.

It felt like the floor swept from his feet. He began feeling dizzy; he began feeling the need to curl in on himself and hide. But he couldn't, he was frozen. He stood there looking at the man in front of him who kept talking. It looked like he was ranting about something. About what?

Kei wouldn't know. He couldn't hear a thing. It was at moments like these that they all kept coming back to him; his deepest darkest insecurities. They rose up to the surface, dragging him down with them.

_You're too rude._

_You're too distant._

_You're too cold._

_You're too annoying._

_You're too clingy._

Tears started building up in his eyes. His breathing hitched. _They were here._

It was this feeling again. He absolutely _loathed_ this feeling. He felt pathetic. He felt helpless. He felt worthless, and it stung.

It hurt so bad Kei wanted to be sixteen again. Hiding away in his room, hiding from everyone. A coward was what he was, but if that meant that he could be safe, he'd be a coward with no hesitation.

_It's here. They're here. They're all here. They'll take over my head, and I won't be able to do anyt-_

'Breathe,' he heard a voice in his head, a voice that sounded exactly like Bo.

_I can't. He's- I-_

This is exactly why he didn't want to let anybody in.

'Never let anyone get close. They'll end up hurting you, and there's nothing you can do about it,' A wise person once told him.

This wise person was his mother. The very same person who's told him that 'Everyone leaves sooner or later.' And guess what?

She was right.

They all left.

They all left, and he couldn't do anything.

Why couldn't he do anything? Because he was a coward. He was, still is, and probably always will be.

_I'm a coward, and it's all my fault they don't stay._

_It's all my fau-_

'Calm down, process the situation,' said another voice in his head. This time it was Shi.

_But how do I.._

_I can't do this anymore. In the end, they all leave, and I'm always, always left alone._

_Everyone_ leaves. His mother left, Tadashi left, Kei himself left. Everybody leaves, it was normal. It was norma-

Kei, once again, felt his breathing hitch. His breathing became unstable, it was almost as if this panic attack had plans to swallow him whole.

'Take deep breaths,' advised the voice in his head, the voice that sounded too much like Ken.

And while he couldn't do that at first, he did. He took deep breaths. _One, Two, Three._ He probably looked like an idiot; standing there, holding his head with his hands, breathing in and out. 

He gave himself a moment. Kei knew that deep inside him, _they_ were still there, but that didn't matter right now. He knew that they'd pop back up one day, but today isn't that day.

So, as though everything went into place, the floor he stood on stopped moving, his raging headache stopped hurting, and his breathing became stable.

He was ready.

"I saw you at the park," Kei finally replied to all his irrelevant and irrational questions, barely holding back a tear from falling.

Don't get him wrong, it's not as if he was crying because of this douchebag. Nuh uh.

Like a miracle, somehow that one sentence was enough to shut him up. He shot an icy glare at the man standing in front of him and left.

Yes, he handled the situation well.

As he left the building, Kei smiled.

_I'm not alone anymore. I never was._

**~~~~ **

"I'm home," Kei quietly said.

It was always quiet here. That's how they liked it, and that's how it was.

He sets the box containing his things on the floor when he hears a quiet "Welcome back." from his roommate, who he immediately spots inside his spot in the couch. Inside, meaning the cocoon of blankets on the couch that they fight over everyday because both want to stay inside.

After he takes his coat off, Kei walks over to the couch and grabs the blanket surrounding Kenma. Then, he sits beside him, wraps the blanket around them, and snuggles closer.

"We aren't shooting today?" Kei asks him, looking up at his face.

"You're in a bad mood. I can tell, Tsu. We needed to catch up on editing, anyway. Let's do that while you talk, alright?" Ken rested a hand on Kei's shoulder and smiled, it was like he knew that Kei had a problem before he walked in. He was pretty straight to the point about it, too.

_Damn you and your keen sense of perception._

Of course he knew. Through each and every break up, Ken was there and so was Shi. They knew how Kei would act during a break up. Hell, they could probably tell what a break up smells like from a mile away.

Kei sighs, and Ken raises his eyebrows.

"So?"

"It's not that big of a deal, but fine."

"That's what I thought." he says as he hands Kei the laptop, and heads to the kitchen. "I'll start chopping, tell me what happened," he adds.

Ah. There it was. When one feels down, the other would prep some smoothies real quick while they talked. Afterwards, they'd get to enjoy their apple-strawberry smoothies (and sometimes with a side of either strawberry shortcake or apple pie) and instantly feel a lot better.

It was one of the best things about living with Ken.

As he took the strawberries out the freezer, and the apples out the basket, Ken expectantly looked at Kei, hoping for a response. While Ken chops the apples and destems the strawberries, Kei edits the font for the text in the video and says:

"We broke up."

"Tsu.." he hears Ken call with worry.

Then, he hears the sound of the knife on the chopping board come to a halt. He diverts his attention back to the video and continues, "I thought we were doing well, too. I thought _I_ was doing well."

"But we weren't, and I just wasn't aware of that." is what he says while Kenma starts pouring the milk along with the yogurt into the blender.

It was silent, and not the comfortable type. He knew there was more to this story; he always does.

The blender is turned on, and his roommate sat beside him before saying, "There's more, isn't there?" 

Kei hums in agreement, while his eyebrows furrowed. He sighs and murmurs, "He cheated on me."

Kenma did nothing but stared at Kei, who was now hugging his knees close to his chest.

"He did _what_?" 

"I said, he-"

"I heard you the first time." Ken stands up and begins pacing. "He knew about your past, why would he do-"

With his face buried in his knees, he mumbled, "That's not even the worst part."

Looking like he meant business, Ken sat back down on the couch, sitting cross-legged. "Continue, please."

"I ran into him when I collected my things from his apartment." Kei took a deep breath. "I ignored him and tried to walk away, but he stopped me and put on his regular act of being the perfect boyfriend."

Kenma sipped on his smoothie, "That rotten little son of a-"

"Then, I told him I knew that he's been cheating on me, and you know what that bastard did?"

It was Kei's turn to sip on his smoothie while Kenma replied, "He went on with his act, didn't he?"

"Exactly. Can you believe the nerve of that guy?!"

"Fucking prick."

"Right? But, oh. It doesn't end there. This man just had the audacity - _the audacity_ \- to play the victim."

"The _fuck_?!" At this point, Kenma was shouting curses non - stop. It was kind of amusing, really. The quiet Kenma just bursting out curses whenever he could.

**~~~~ **

"Excuse me, he said _what?!_ " Kenma slams his hands on the table and reaches for his phone. "That's it. I'm calling Shi, and we're gonna drown ourselves in strawberry daiquiris and whiskey until we pass out."

Kenma and Akaashi are really easy to talk to. Just like Kei, they were phenomenal listeners, and just like Tadashi, he could never keep anything hidden from them. Contrary to how he was to others, Kei was like an open book to Ken and Shi. 

_I guess that's just what happens when you've lived together for three years_ , Kei pondered.

"That sounds really, really nice right now," Kei remarked and hugged Teru Teru, his dino plush closer to his chest.

"You know what we should do while waiting for Shi?" Kenma said, a glimmer present in his eyes.

Kei hummed in response, then looked at him and tilted his head. "What?"

"Let's purify the apartment." Ken stood up and grabbed his hands, urging him to stand up. "Let's get rid of everything he gave you and everything that reminds you of him."

He let a small smile appear on his face, "Yeah, let's."

So, they did. They hauled everything up in one big box. There were a _lot_ of things. Most of which made Kei cry due to the memories those stuff brought, so they ended up drinking a teensy tiny bit before Akaashi arrived. Just a little.

The door opens, revealing Akaashi with the strawberry shortcake. His favorite. The cake was stored inside the fridge, and they went out to an abandoned area near the building to watch as everything relevant to that asshole burned.

Pretty dramatic, they know, but did it make him feel better? _Hell yes_.

_God, I should get my brain checked. Am I okay?_

Ah, fuck it. There was enough alcohol in his system to keep going, and burning the jerk's stuff just made him feel better at the moment.

They walked back to the apartment and talked, ate, drank, but they mostly drank. A lot.

"I mean, we were only together for a little more than a month, but that shit hurts, y'know?"

Kenma nods, and Akaashi responds, "It do! Don't they, Ken?"

"I've never understood cheaters. It's like, why'dja date'm if you're goncheat anyway?"

Uh oh.

They were a little tipsy, hence the excessive talking (for them, anyway), the bad grammar, and the words slurring. Tipsy? Scratch that, they were drunk. Real drunk.

Well, they overlook that problem. Being drunk doesn't change the fact that the three are very cautious and careful. And what did they do?

Easy, they called the one person who's available and capable of helping. They think.

"Keiji? Aren't you with Kenma and Tsukki? Is there a problem?" 

"Oh, shoot. Guys, he asks if there a problem. Is there problem?" Akaashi frantically looks back at Kei and Kenma who are on their second shot of whiskey.

"Problem? What problem?" Kei looks like how he looks when he's lost his glasses; squinting while turning his head left and right.

"Noproblem!" Kenma shouts.

"Yah, what they said, no problem," Akaashi says while smiling even though he knows Bokuto can't see him.

A sigh on the other end of the line. "You're all drunk, aren't you." A statement, not a question. They were, without a doubt, drunk as hell.

"Guys! He said drunk. What shouldI say?" Shi turns to them with the same worried look he had earlier.

"Yeah, hold on, Keiji. I'm on my way. Try not to kill your liver before I get there, okay?" It was all Bokuto said before hanging up.

After that, everything was a blur.

More daiquiris, shots of whiskey, Bokuto saying 'NO!', Bokuto getting mad at them for doing stupid things, Bokuto ..crying?

_I should really apologize._

After that, all Kei could remember was Teru Teru being taken from him, squeals of 'BRO', and.. Uno? He could've sworn Uno was involved at one point. He remembers Ken and Shi soothing, comforting, and crying with him as he whined.

_Well, isn't that embarrassing._

He couldn't remember anything, so Kei wonders how he started his day waking up on his bed.

**~~~~ **

_Ah, fuck._

There it was, the price of numbing the pain with alcohol: hangover and headaches.

_Aspirin would be great right now, thanks for asking._

With a groan, Kei gets up, not even bothering to brush his hair. The raging headache was unbearable. Searching for a painkiller was the only think his brain planned on doing at the moment.

As he finally, _finally_ got to the kitchen, he's delighted to see some aspirin and water already laid out on the counter. As soon as he sees the pills and water, he runs and begins drinking them as fast as he can, desperate to get rid of that headache that felt like it's been there for years.

"You should get back to bed," said a voice that Kei swears he'd heard before, but he couldn't quite remember whose.

Instead, he nods as a reply, and walks back to bed, dozing off in an instant.

He knows these three won't ever leave him. They stayed with him, after all. Through all the break ups and the rough patches, they stayed. They were there for him, and when the time comes, Kei knows he'll do the same.

Not everyone leaves. He knew that now. 

For the first time in a long time, Kei sleeps without worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the end of Chapter 2. (⁀ᗢ⁀)
> 
> 'The blender is turned on,' Somebody tell the blender to keep its hands to itself. („ಡωಡ„)
> 
> More importantly, panic attacks are shit. (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
> 
> Thanks for reading! ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡


	3. "Hey. How've you been, Tsukki?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo simps over Tsukishima in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter, and he's already simping. Slow burn, who? (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

The day started off pretty good.

Kuroo was the first to wake up, which you know, was kind of normal for him.

Because of the insomnia and everything that's been going on, his sleep schedule is, was, and probably always will be shit.

 _Haha! The jet lag don't affect me no more,_ Kuroo thought.

That was a lie. This man was tired. Scratch that, he was exhausted. He tried to go back to sleep, he really did, but he just couldn't.

This was a problem since childhood. Insomnia, that is. It all started when his parents decided it would be a good idea to bicker about getting a divorce during his bedtime. To put it in a simpler way, it began during his parents' divorce.

_Yeah, that was very, very mature of them._

He recalls all the shouting, the cursing, the horrendous sounds of glass breaking.. Best not to think about it.

Little Tetsurou couldn't fall asleep; he would be tossing and turning all night, pacing around his room, sometimes, staring up at the moon was the only thing getting him through those sleepless nights.

It continued getting worse to the point where he had to bury his face in a pillow to block out all the sounds. It helped, a bit. It really did. His hair would end up looking crazy the next day, but hey, whatever helps you sleep at night, isn't that right?

And for some reason, whatever reason that was, the habit stuck with him. Through high school, university, even now.

_Alright, are you done with that internal monologue of yours?_

This was one of those times wherein Tetsurou beats himself up for thinking about it all. About what exactly? Anything. Literally anything. 

That thing where you look down on yourself thinking, 'I just make all this stuff up. I'm faking my emotions for attention, and I'm only doing this so that people take pity on me.'

_You feel me?_

Yes, Kuroo belittles himself. In his head, might I add. Nobody would have known, but that was a story for another time.

So, he was just laying on his bed (the bed that let him sleep on, anyway) thinking about his parents' divorce and his insomnia.

Yep. _Definitely_ a great way to start the day.

But Kuroo didn't want that. He didn't want to start his morning negatively, it could ruin the whole day.

Instead, he got up, made his daily coffee, and sat down on the couch, but not before placing three glasses of water and some aspirin on the counter. Those three were really, really drunk last night; they'll need something to survive the hangover.

He would cook, (Kuroo loves cooking) but let's be honest, no one was gonna wake up, and the food would probably just get spoiled.

So.. he's here, in the living room. Just.. chilling, alone. At seven in the morning.

There wasn't really much to do. It wasn't like he had the energy to do anything, anyway. He still couldn't stop thinking about yesterday, but who can blame him?

Last night, for the first time in his twenty-five years of existence, Kuroo saw Kenma shout. And it wasn't just him, Akaashi and Tsukishima too. 

Who could've guessed that those three would be _very_ loud drunks?

Definitely not Kuroo.

I mean, most of the time they were quiet. _Really_ quiet. Reserved, silent, smarties is what they are. You never would have guessed that they were the three voices that Kuroo heard in the hallway last night.

Other than that, he also found out that Kenma and Tsukki have been living together. And judging by what Bokuto said last night, they've been living together for a long time now. They must've gotten pretty close.

But that wasn't the problem.

The problem was that Kuroo didn't know about this until he got to Tokyo. And Kuroo being Kuroo, not knowing that his best friend has been living with a roommate is _such_ a big deal to him.

_Why didn't Kenma tell me?_

This was the question running through his head that probably wasn't going to be answered any time soon. He wanted to know, but he isn't getting an answer. For now, at least.

So, an update: he was sitting all alone on the couch early in the morning while sipping on his coffee. But not for long.

Why? Because he felt his eyes getting heavier and heavier by the second.

 _Thank the gods_ , Kuroo thought.

It was one of those rare, fortunate, blessed moments where his weariness fights off his insomnia, and he drifts onto the place where he doesn't get to be often; dreamland.

As his eyelids finally drop, the last thing he sees are pale yellow bed hair, and beautiful honey golden eyes that are struggling to stay open.

And guess what? He's back to being wide awake. He's never opened his eyes as fast as he did that moment.

Worth it, though.

He's gonna turn a blind eye on this one because what he sees when his eyes open is the image of a literal angel.

Tsukishima Kei.

With bed hair, clothes from yesterday, and adorable dino socks. Because of everything going on last night, he couldn't get a good look at him, but now..

_Wow._

_And_ he was stumbling, desperately reaching over for the painkillers laid out on the counter. He was probably experiencing the worst headache of his life, but he looked absolutely adorable.

He also looked like he was gonna fall over any second. Tetsurou wanted to run over and help him stand, but the blond managed, and it would probably be best for him to rest his head.

So.. with the calmest tone he could manage, Kuroo voiced out, "You should get back to bed."

A few seconds later, the blond nods, still squinting his eyes, and Kuroo wonders, _How the hell did he manage to get cuter?!_

He watched as Tsukishima Kei weakly made his way back to his room. You know? Like a creep, but did he care?

_Nah, it's kind of hard keeping your eyes away from such a beautiful person._

_Oh! And that bed head! How does one look precious with that kind of hair?!_

_Oh, I could think of so many words to describe that beautiful blond. He was stunning, beguiling, drop dead gorgeous, words can't even explain-_

_He's going through a break up, Bad Tetsurou, Bad._

Kuroo stops himself from thinking about Tsukishima's undeniably attractive features, and instead thinks about what could've happened to him.

_How'd he and Kenma end up being roommates, anyway? Not to mention best friends.._

Heck if he knows. He's just a very confused twenty five year old photographer staring at nothing while on the couch of his beloved friends. What a life.

Still, he wonders what could've happened to him. It must've been pretty bad. Especially because of _that._

And with that, his mind drifts back to what he heard Tsukishima mumble last night.

_"-ryone leaves sooner or later."_

It pained him to hear that. It really did. He must've been through a lot. A lot, a lot.

Kuroo would know, he's been through that rough patch of relationships in the past, as well. He knows how much that hurts, he knows how much damage the pain can cause, and he knows that break ups can really affect a person.

Still, he was a little shocked when he found out. The Tsukishima who distanced himself from others, the puzzle Tetsurou oh so desperately wanted to solve, the challenge he couldn't quite figure out- in a relationship? Or was in a relationship.

Well, no offense to Tsukki. Maybe he found someone with the same irrationally high level of salt that he had, or something like that. Well, that wasn't the point.

Because Kuroo is "always this nice", he vowed at that very moment that he would help Tsukki get over his ex.

_In ways more than one, if he'll allow i-_

_No. No, Tetsurou. No ulterior motives. Nothing like tha-_

A yawn.

A yawn! 

Oh, finally.. Some well deserved rest, coming right up.

His eyes started to close, and just like that, the former captain was fast asleep.

**~~~~ **

"Bro! Hey, Bro! Wake up! You awake yet? BROOOO!" Kuroo groans when he is shaken awake by none other than best bro Bokuto Koutarou.

'Shaken awake' was an understatement. What he did was more of.. carrying Kuroo off the couch? It also seems as though he shouted at Kuroo to wake him up. Definitely not intentionally. Bokuto is a naturally loud person; this is to be expected.

This has happened countless times, too.

No matter, Kuroo gets up in response, then yawns, "What is it, Bo..?"

As he faces Bokuto, he sees his said owlish friend running around.

This seems serious.

"Bo?" Kuroo raises an eyebrow with his head tilted to his right.

It was as if he was non existent; invisible, nothing more than a thought. Why is that? Because his Best Bro Brokuto, bro since high school, ignored him.

_Did he just-_

_Ignore me?_

He stared at Bokuto friggin Koutarou who was running around the apartment while holding his head between his arms. He heard distinct whispering and muttering from Bo, and he wonders what could've happened.

"Bo!"

Like a button was pressed, a lever, pulled, it seems as though Bo finally noticed his presence. His eyes lit up, then he ran over to Kuroo and desperately clung to him, like a child would his mother.

"Aye, Bo? What's wrong? What happened? What's the problem?"

When he didn't respond, Kuroo was starting to think that something terrible had happened.

"Bro? Bro!" Kuroo snapped his fingers, and when he finally got Bokuto's attention, only then did he ask, "Are you alright?"

When Bokuto looked him dead in the eye, he swears he could feel a shiver run down his spine.

_This seems serious._

Bokuto took a deep breath, and as he did, Kuroo gulped, suddenly feeling like he wasn't ready to know, but he prepared himself to listen anyway.

"It's about Keiji." 

_About 'Kaashi? It must be serious, without a doubt._

"What happened to 'Kaashi, Bo? Is he alright? What happened to him?"

"It's serious, bro. He- he.." He watched as Bokuto's serious, sharp gaze reverted back into his emo Bokuto mode, and honestly, Kuroo was getting more and more anxious by the second.

_What the hell happened to 'Kaashi?!_

He waited for Bokuto to continue, rather patiently, too.

Bokuto was practically crying his heart out, but he managed to tell Kuroo, "He's- He's got two more tattoos now! I noticed them in the morning. Bro, help!"

_This little-_

"Really, Bo? I don't see why you're so worried."

Bokuto gives him the face. We all know the face.

"You don't get it broo! What if these people are much more successful, responsible adults who can take care of Keiji better than I can?!" He shouted, still clinging to Kuroo.

"Again, I really, _really_ don't see why you're so worried. We both know how much Akaashi loves you," Kuroo reassures him, but Bo stays stubborn.

"But still! What if they win him over? What if Akaashi falls for them?! What if-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, you dum dum. You shouldn't think like that."

"Still!"

Kuroo sighed, pushed Bokuto off him with a grimaced face, and got up to check the time. The clock on the wall read twelve. It's noon?!

_I was out for five whole hours?!_

Better get breakfast- er.. Lunch? Alright, Brunch started, then.

As he made his way to the kitchen, he called out to Bokuto, "Hey, Bo! You should probably wake those three up by now while I whip up a few pancakes. That okay?"

"Pancakes?! That'd be delicious! I'll try waking them up, then."

When Bokuto leaves, Kuroo's mind is occupied with thoughts of those tattoos.

Everyone's had their tattoo problems. Everyone. While Bokuto had his tattoo problem; Akaashi's abundance of tattoos (must be the students, or some of them, at least.), Kuroo also had his.

You all remember. It was the six year tattoo, or SYT, as Tetsurou liked to call it. 

Simply, the tattoo that had no owner and that's been with him since he started university. A pretty tattoo at that.

He's tried searching for the person who gave him said tattoo, but no luck. This time around though, it'll be different because he plans to ask for his friends' help. And who knows? Maybe he'll find mystery tattoo giver and actually get close with them.

Kuroo shook his head and urged himself to stop thinking about this for a bit.

So, he focused all his energy on cooking. And soon enough, he made one of the best batches of pancakes he's ever made in his life.

The consistent golden brown color, the fluffy texture, and the scrumptious aroma you could smell a mile away.

Just as he was about to place the pancakes on the plate, he hears a sneeze that sounded awfully close to how Ken sneezes. 

_I got magical ears, I know._

"What. Are you doing here?" A voice said in a quiet, yet sassy tone that was unmistakably Kenma's.

"Gee, thanks for the welcome, Ken. How's your headache?" Kuroo asks him as he places the pancakes on the table, then he walks over to Kenma.

"I know that you already know. I had this bad dream, though," Kenma started, looking up at Kuroo.

"Oho? Mind telling me what it was?"

"Someone taking my beloved Apple Pie away from me," he shuddered, and continued, "Who would do such a thing?!"

Kitty - Cat had such a scary, murderous look on his face, that Kuroo didn't have the heart, bravery, nor the insurance to tell Kenma that 'such a thing' really did happen last night.

He wanted to live, thank you very much.

It all felt so natural; seeing Kenma again, listening to Bo's problems, cooking for the gang..

With a smile, Kuroo wrapped his arms around Kenma and teased, "Oh? Is Kitty - Cat scared? Do you need a hug?"

"Hey- Kuro let go!" he snorted while Kenma struggled.

It was just like old times.

"Good morning, Kuroo. Kei loves his pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream."

He heard another person say. That could only be one person; Akaashi, or as his Bokubro would say; AGHAASHEH!

And like he hasn't just been revealed to one of the cutest things about the blond, Kuroo plays it off cool, you know, because he is.

"Mornin' 'Kaashi! That would be relevant why, exactly?" Kuroo says this as he lets go of Kenma, finally giving the poor child some time to breathe.

Although he made such a _chill_ remark, internally, he was screaming-

_He likes strawberries and whipped cream with his pancakes- that's so cute. I should probably get him some, or would that be too weird? Or maybe they have some? But maybe they don't-_

"Tsu gets cranky without strawberries. You have to make sure his strawberry intake is consistent, or else he'll be in a sour mood," Kenma informed him once he finally caught his breath.

Kuroo took a deep breath.

_They have nicknames for each other. I repeat, they have nicknames for each other-_

"Riight.. Don't we have some in one of the cabinets over here?" Kuroo starts walking to the kitchen with the intention of checking out the cabinets.

Before he can though, Bokuto enters the room and takes his place behind 'Kaashi, wrapping his arms around the latter and told him, "Don't bother, Bro. These three used it all up yesterday. If you and Ken start going now, it'll be just in time when Tsukki wakes up."

"Ehh? Why do I have to go.. You just want some alone time with Shi." Kenma pouts, but still walks to the door with Kuroo, nevertheless.

~~~~

"I really did miss you, Kuro. Welcome back," Kenma shared as they made their way back.

To say that he was touched was yet another understatement. Kuroo began to tear up, and hugged Kenma.

"Aw, you did?! I missed you too, Ken!" he sniffled, hugging his best friend.

"Ew, gross. Kuro, stoop!"

_I missed you all so much. More than I expected myself to._

They finally arrived back at the apartment, bearing some strawberries and some whipped cream.

Before they went inside, "Please try to avoid saying or using the word 'too'," advised Kenma.

Kuroo didn't know why, but he gave a nod in response.

They were both shocked when the door, Kuroo was about to open, opened itself.

Well, not really.

A certain someone beat him to it.

Who?

None other than Tsukishima Kei himself.

He had just woken up, but the blond looked irritated, and really, a look is all it takes to intimidate the photographer, so with all the courage he could muster, Kuroo greets:

"Hey. How've you been, Tsukki?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of chapter 3! ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶
> 
> Thanks for reading, again! |ʘ‿ʘ)╯


	4. Mornings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'The moment he walks out of the restroom after washing his face, he sees Bokuto-san hugging Shi from behind in the kitchen. Which you know, wasn't bad at all. They were pretty cute together, not that Kei would tell them that.'
> 
> Mornings. Kei's issues, and a certain someone he thought he wouldn't see much after graduating.
> 
> He thought wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, enjoying my holiday break - reading fanfics, re-watching anime, playing genshin, etc.
> 
> My self-indulgent, incomplete, multichapter kurotsuki fanfic: ...

Okay, first of all, mornings are shit.

Earlier this morning, Kei swore that he would never drink ever again. It wasn't worth it; dry, itchy, swollen eyes, raging headaches, endless cramps, and for what?

To feel numb? To forget about that asshole? To, I don't know, pass time?

Just to get through the night?

Well, I'll tell you.

It's exactly because Kei anticipated this outcome. It's exactly because he knew this was going to happen that he drank more than he could take.

So, why? Why would he drink way too much when he knew exactly what would happen afterwards? Why would he drown himself in liquor and alcohol when he knew what the consequences were going to be?

Why would he willingly choose to drink that insane amount of alcohol last night?

I'm sure you've all connected the pieces by now.

He drank simply because of a reason he considers petty. Very, very petty.

Punishment.

It was all catching up to him. His guilt, regret, remorse, shame, whatever you wanted to call it, whatever it was, it was catching up to him. They were catching up to him, and he didn't like that.

But again, why? Why was he guilty? Where did this feeling of remorse come from?

In a simpler way to put it, what was he ashamed of?

What was something he regretted so much that it drove him to the point where he had to use alcohol in order to comfort him?

As he laid on the bed, snuggled into his custom-made dinosaur comforter, Kei thought, _That something can literally be anything._

Then he shook his head.

 _No, Kei. No negative thoughts. Stop that_ , he reminded himself.

Although this "no negative thinking" rule he gave himself didn't really work, Kei made the effort, the _absolute_ effort, to try _._

No use hiding it though.

Was it because he drove everyone away? _Not anymore, no._

Was it because of the break up itself? _No, I'm so over that by now._

Was it because of the overwhelming tattoos he receives on a daily basis that he strongly believes he doesn't deserve? _That is a problem, but no, that wasn't why I planned on killing my liver last night._

Was it because of the overbearing expectations that pressured him into procrastination? _A problem I need to deal with soon, but a problem that I definitely won't be dealing with today._

Then what?

What was it?

It was something he didn't want to admit.

Nevertheless, a problem he knows he's gonna have to admit.

Well, it was because despite everything that happened between the two of them, despite all of the things that little piece of shit did, _Kei still loves him_ , and that's ~~kinda~~.. No, forget that, this was seriously fucked up.

Yep, he still loved him. A lot. Like nothing's changed. Like everything was how it was before the asshole cheated on him. Like that ruthless manipulator was actually the person Kei believed he was.

Why did he still love that lying dirtbag? He himself didn't know. He's asked himself the same question about fifteen times now.

Maybe..

Maybe it was because.. when you love someone, when you really, _really_ love someone, you overlook all the bad and focus on the good. 

When you love someone, it's as if you're under a spell; a spell that makes you unable to perceive all the terrible things about them. No matter how bad it may be, you still can't stop.

And when you've finally come back to your senses, when you've finally figured it out, it's too late.

You've become bound to this person. You've unconsciously learned to accept these certain traits about them. You've fallen too deep.

You stay with them.

And when you've stayed with them through thick and thin, you end up thinking about what a "healthy" relationship you've had with this person, when in reality, said relationship is breaking apart and is only still intact because of your effort. Your effort alone.

But it isn't enough. Your effort isn't enough. A relationship takes two.

And that's when you know it's time. It's time to break up, it's time to move on, it's time to forget about them.

Kei knew that. _He knew that._

But he chose to disregard that for him.

All for him. All for a lying son of a bitch.

He thought that.. He thought that if he tried hard enough, this relationship would keep going. 'Your efforts will pay off,' he told himself. It was something he told himself all the time. All the fucking time.

But he was desperate. Oh, so fucking desperate. Desperately clinging to a broken relationship that he knew was beyond repair.

_How pathetic._

He shifted his body into a fetal position, curling into himself; a habit he's grown quite fond of lately. It made him feel safer, protected, _hidden_.

Kei looked out the window. _It's probably around noon by now. And I should also probably get up_ , he told himself internally, but instead of doing so, he buried his face in his pillows and continued to think.

Being broken out of his shell was one thing, but being back in his shell, building his walls back up from scratch; it was an entirely different matter. Especially when he's just gotten hurt.

And he got hurt. _Real_ bad.

Right. Back on track now.

Second of all.. There is no 'second of all'. Or maybe there is now. It takes all but a minute for him to conjure up ideas, thoughts, heck, even dramatic speeches, for this little internal monologue of his.

Alright. Second of all, it was no question that Kei absolutely despised what he was feeling. He thought to himself that he would literally rather spend a month without his beloved strawberry shortcake just to stop feeling this way. Take note; the last statement was _not_ an exaggeration.

He felt pathetic. He hated himself for feeling this way; for still having feelings for that guy. For being pitied, for being a burden..

Kei knew that Bokuto-san was only trying to help, but what the former captain didn't know was that Kei knew.

Kei knew.

Kei knew that Bokuto-san wore a sweater that night to hide his tattoos. He knew that he did this to try and protect Kei; to shield him.

But Kei didn't like that. Not one bit. Not at all, really.

If there was one thing that he was sure of, it'd be the fact that he loathed being pitied. No, more that than, actually. He despised it.

He felt fragile, he felt like a liability, and he didn't exactly love feeling like that. 

It was the worst.

But he had to put a smile on his face and pretend that it was all okay. He's good at this. It'll be okay.

_**~~~~ ** _

Except it wasn't.

The moment he walks out of the restroom after washing his face, he sees Bokuto-san hugging Shi from behind in the kitchen. Which you know, wasn't bad at all. They were pretty cute together, not that Kei would tell them that.

They were so cute together, Kei couldn't suppress a small smile from appearing on his face. So what? He might've looked like a creep; just staring at a lovely couple embracing each other with a smile on his face.

It just makes you think how perfect they are for each other, how they balance each other out. Bokuto-san being the most hyper person Kei's ever met - even more than a certain Hinata Shoyo - and Shi being the calmest. They're there for each other through each and every problem. Just like the waves of the sea, they come back to the shore; to each other.

Now, Kei could've spent the whole day waxing poetry about this particular couple, but no, something decided that he shouldn't. Or rather, someone.

Much to Kei's displeasure, embarrassment, and regret, a certain Bokuto Koutarou just had to notice him looking at them.

_Fuck. This is gonna be awkward as hell._

"Tsukki! I uh.. didn't see ya there!" is what a shocked Bokuto-san says to Kei while hastily getting off of Shi. "Good morning, Tsukki!!" Bokuto-san greets him with a wave and a few chuckles.

_Yep, definitely awkward._

"Morning, Bokuto-san," Kei sighed, turning his head to look at a flustered Akaashi Keiji.

"I was uh.." Shi took a moment to clear his throat then continued, "I was just about to wake you up."

"Mhm. Sure," He replied, looking at them back and forth as if trying to observe their behavior, making the couple chuckle nervously once again.

There it is. Kei didn't like this. It was the pressure. The tension radiating through these two each time he goes through a break up. It was always the same thing. They baby Kei and minimize their PDA, Kei tells them to drop the act, they rebel and continue, then a few days later they'd fail.

You'd think that they'd stop putting up a front every time Kei goes through a break up, but _no_ , these two were just too considerate for their own good. They just didn't know that this kind gesture of theirs has been having the opposite effect. Kei's tried to tell them, but.. you know how it goes.

With arms crossed over his chest, Kei lets out a playful snort - one he's gotten good at faking - and sighed, "You two _really_ need to stop doing this every single time, you know that?"

"We aren't doing anything, Tsu," is the reply that came from the ever so calm Akaashi Keiji who was severely contradicting the actions of a certain Bokuto Koutarou.

Instead of giving Shi a reply, Kei simply looked over to Bokuto-san, who was not so subtly walking over to the dining room to create distance between them.

"Right.." He threw them a suspiciously speculating gaze, decided to let it go - for now - and softened his gaze. "What's for breakfast?"

Bokuto-san quickly raised his head from where he was previously sulking and ran to the dining table. He hunched over said table and that was.. surprisingly one of the most normal things Bokuto-san has ever done in this apartment.

This was one of those rare, almost non existent times where Bokuto-san gets out of his usual slumps without Shi's help and influence. So, to say that Kei was surprised would be an understatement. Oh wait- he's still sulking, just changed his location.

_He never changes._

When Shi didn't reply, Kei just assumed he didn't hear him, so he repeated, "Shi?"

"Uhm, about that-" He started, but upon seeing the blond's innocent, unsuspecting face, he just couldn't bring himself to tell him. The unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach only reminded him of _that_ incident, and he _definitely_ didn't want to think about that, nor did he want it to happen again. That's why, with no cards left to play, Shi turns to Bokuto-san for help: "Kou?"

Of course, this didn't go unnoticed by the ever so perceptive Kei. Maybe they haven't prepared anything yet?

_If so, why'd Shi act so nervous?_

He had no reason to be. Well, unless Bokuto-san burned the kitchen down while boiling water again - an incident they've decided not to speak of - there was nothing to worry about. At least, that's what he thought.

"Well, you see Tsukki.. Uh- First of all, In this essay I will- therefore, I can conclude tha-"

"Spit it out, Bokuto-san," said Kei. Honestly, in this household, this conversation more or less happens a lot.

"So,uhwehavepancakesforbreakfasttoday,butyoucan'teatityetbecausewejustrememberedthatweranoutofwhippedcreamandstrawberrieslastnight,andI'mkindascared,noterrifiedactually,totellyouthatbecauseyoualwaysgetcrankywhenweeatpancakeswithoutstrawberries,andwereallydon'twantthatincidenttohappenagain,sopleasejustwaituntilkubrooandkenmagetsback,IpromiseyouI'lldomychoresproperlynexttime,pleasespareme,tsukki!" is what he says, no rambles, though Tsukishima _absolutely_ did not understand a single word he said.

No biggie, this happened a lot. Kei just had to turn to his 'Bokuto-san language translator' that is Akaashi Keiji.

_Seriously, though. How does Shi hit the nail on the head every time this happens?! Your abilities are beyond me, Shi._

Kei titled his head, silently asking Shi to translate, but all the latter does is shrug, and to be honest, Kei did not expect that coming, nor could he blame him.

They were definitely acting suspicious today, and the break up yesterday probably wasn't the only reason.

He hears Bokuto-san make a noise in surprise - when does he not?

"A - Anyways, Tsukki. Why's that prick's tattoo still on you? I don't like it." Bokuto-san points to the tattoo given by Kei's ex.

_Ah. That tattoo._

This tattoo was a simple one. A plain, black symbol of the number two. Nothing special really, _just like our relationship_. As simple as it may seem to be, the particular number held much significance to their relationship. _Yeah, the one I regret most_.

You see, Kei met his ex boyfriend on February 2 2018 at 2:22 in the afternoon. Now, this may just seem like one extremely specific date, but it's where their relationship started.

Friday, February 2; the second day of the second month of the year. He felt someone tap his shoulders twice and he looked back.

_Maybe I shouldn't have done that._

Maybe he was better off never meeting him. Maybe if he hadn't met him, he wouldn't have to deal with all this pain. Maybe that was true.

And you know what?

Maybe..

Maybe Kei had enough.

It was honestly time to focus on himself; listen to his brain, not heart. That was something he hasn't had the chance to do. Instead of all these tiring, heartbreaking relationships, Kei decided he'd show his own well-being some attention. 

"Tsu?" pried Shi. He had a worried look on his face; Shi was frowning, his eyebrows furrowed.

_Huh. That must mean I spaced out again._

"Hm. I don't think that worthless little prick actually loved me. Maybe he's still attracted to my physical attributes?" Kei guessed. He really didn't know.

And no, he wasn't bragging. Kei didn't consider himself attractive, but he _is_ , many people have said so. After all, most of his relationships were built on that.

Physical Appearance. They'd date Kei just to brag about his so-called beauty to their friends. It kind of made him wish he wasn't. Attractive, I mean.

"Maybe it's lust." Shi shrugged, looking over at Bokuto-san, who was still suspiciously hunched over the dining table as though he was hiding something. Was he?

"It's probably lust, Tsukki!! Want me to kick his butt for ya?" Bokuto-san looked back at him, yet was still hunched over the table.

_Seriously, what is he doing there?_

"We wouldn't want to cause trouble." Kei shook his head. "More importantly, what are you doing over there?" He diverts the topic with ease. He didn't really want to be talking - and thinking - about his bastard of an ex this early in the morning.

Apparently, the poor volleyball coach couldn't handle the pressure from Kei's innocent question and blurted out, "Nothing suspicious!"

Kei rolled his eyes. With sarcasm dripping from his voice, he told him, "Yeah, I _totally_ believe you."

At full speed, Bokuto-san turned his head back - it looked like he would snap his neck - and obliviously questioned him, "Really?"

Shi facepalmed.

Yep. Just your regular morning with these people. Come to think of it, they were missing one pudding head.

_Wait, where's Ken?_

Kei gestured his hand towards Bokuto-san and faced Shi. "Pause on that, where's Ken?" Kei asked, tilting his head in an effort to get Shi to tell him where their favorite pudding head had gone.

"Hm. He went to buy whipped cream and strawberries a little while ago. I believe he should be back soon," Shi explained, he probably gave up on lying to Kei about the pancakes.

Before Kei can ask why, Bokuto-san answers the question in mind, "We're having pancakes for breakfast." Then, he finally stands up from where his previous position of hunching over the table.

_Ah, so it was to hide the pancakes, huh?_

As though a spell was lifted, the moment Bokuto-san straightens his back, the aroma surges.

And it smelled so good. He wanted to eat them already! But he couldn't because of the lacking toppings: strawberries and whipped cream. The pancakes smelled sweet. Imagine what'll happen when they top it off with more sweets.

_It's early in the morning, and my sweet tooth's already acting up._

Kei needed to step outside.

"I'm going to need some fresh air, or else those pancakes will be gone before the toppings even get here." Kei walked away.

Obviously, Kei was irritated. He wanted to eat those pancakes already, but there were reasons why he can't yet.

> 1.) Ken isn't here yet. We eat together like a family.
> 
> 2.) The strawberries aren't here yet either.

He heard Shi and Bokuto-san let out a sigh in relief, then he furrowed his brows.

He opens the door and is met with a certain someone.

~~~~

Kuroo Tetsurou.

In the flesh.

I mean,

Wow. I mean, of course the blond knew Kuroo fricking Tetsurou. The guy taught him how to block better. And was an incredibly good teacher. A hot one, too.

Kei _used to_ have a crush on the guy, after all.

Yeah, Kei's heard about him recently due to Bokuto-san's bad habit of over-sharing.

But here he was now.

Kei observed him. You know, nothing creepy about that when said person was literally standing right in front of Kei.

The first thing that Kei noticed was his smile. This dorky, little smile. He seemed as though he could light up a whole city with that smile. A smile that shone brighter than the stars.

And while this smile of his spread cheer and joy, his eyes say otherwise. He looked tired. Like, really, really tired. More than that, even. He looked exhausted. Like he hasn't had a good sleep in months.

Kei was genuinely worried. At some point in his University days, Kei suffered through insomnia, and let me tell you, it is absolutely, a hundred percent, _not_ fun.

Feeling exhausted, yet not sleeping even a wink. It was awful.

But Kei moved on because the next thing - or things rather - he noticed were the tattoos. And there were a lot of them. Like, a lot, a lot.

Kuroo's tan skin was bursting with color; like a unicorn just did its business there and vanished, like someone decided to paint all over his skin. His skin was mesmerizing.

He'd make a good model. These tattoos were what brought the most recent fashion magazines the fame they got. Designers would design outfits that suited a person's tattoo. It was a trend by now.

A trend that Kei believed was a waste of time. And money. Outfits were designed based on one's tattoo. That being said, each outfit was different. Meaning: people had to get that custom-made. That cost a lot, it takes a lot of time- you get it.

But enough about work. Enough about thinking in general, actually.

Kei snapped out of his thoughts when he realized that Kuroo was saying something.

"Hey. How've you been, Tsukki?" Kuroo asked him. He was also pulling at a lock of his hair. The one that takes its place above his right eye.

Judging from how the elder laughed sheepishly as he pulled on his hair, it must be a nervous habit.

It took him a second to comprehend that Kuroo-san was talking to him. 

_Right. I guess I gotta respond, huh? Because that's how conversations work._

"I've been better, please come in." Kei stepped aside for him to come in.

_A smart, classic move, if I do say so myself._

If you ask Kei how much he's done this to avoid socializing, he'd do it again. Just to avoid talking.

Exactly why he loved being with Ken and Shi all the time. They didn't talk much and even if there was silence - which there was, a lot at that - it would be the comforting kind. You'd never see them being silently awkward.

Ken pats his shoulders and laughs playfully, "Tsu, you really can't just do that to everyone who comes over here. You know?"

He crosses his arms, "I can never hide anything from you can I?"

"Nope." He drags Kei by the arm inside the apartment. "Let's eat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys believe that so far this fic has been:
> 
> Chapter 1: Nest-hair's back!
> 
> Chapter 2-4: Okay, now that we've established that, unleash the trauma!
> 
> Alright, chapter 5 will be where things get going.
> 
> Thanks for reading! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶


End file.
